Series 1, Episode 7
Written by Ann McManus
Produced by Brian Park
Directed by Jim O’Hanlon
Air Date: 13th July, 1999
Shell decides that she wants in on Zandra’s deal with Lorna…whether she likes it or not! She tortures Zandra into revealing the details and orders her to arrange another meet with Lorna. Meanwhile, Lorna is relieved when Dominic reveals to her that Helen and Stubberfield know all about their failure to report Zandra’s escape and have decided not to reprimand them. Now that she’s in the clear, Lorna tells Zandra that there’s no way she’ll be smuggling anything else into the prison for her and that there is no point in any further attempts at blackmail – even if Zandra takes her grievance to Helen, there’s no way she’ll be believed. However, Lorna doesn’t count on Shell’s sudden appearance – she’s heard everything and is prepared to back Zandra up if she decides to go to Helen, unless of course Lorna smuggles in another consignment of pills.
Helen has decided to move Nikki into the vacant cell on G3. Hollamby and Fenner are appalled at this idea and object in the strongest possible terms but Helen is adamant – they have tried everything else with Nikki, why not treating her like a human being for a change? Fenner and Hollamby aren’t the only ones against Helen’s decision; Shell almost goes into orbit when she watches Nikki being moved into the cell next to hers. Nikki is amazed, not to mention grateful for Helen’s willingness to place so much trust in her.
Helen has asked her boyfriend Sean, a landscape designer, to talk to some of the women about gardening. Sean is extremely nervous but Helen only makes a half-hearted attempt to ease his worries; she’s got more important things on her mind, namely, whether or not she should accept his recent proposal of marriage. Once at the prison, Sean realises that he had every right to be worried – Shell is her usual disruptive self – and if it wasn’t for Nikki’s intervention, his lecture would probably descend into chaos. Afterwards, Sean makes a point of thanking Nikki for defending his honour, but when she finds out that Sean is engaged to Helen, the expression on Nikki’s face makes it clear that she wishes she hadn’t bothered.
Shell is busy selling the new consignment of pills smuggled in by Lorna. Eagle-eyed Dominic notices a steady flow of visitors to her cell and realises that she must have a stash in there. Keen to catch Shell at it, Dominic grabs a reluctant Laura to help him perform an impromptu search of her cell. Dominic’s initial search proves fruitless, as, surprise, surprise, does Lorna’s body search, but just before leaving the cell, his eyes fall on Charlie the canary – a quick search of his cage reveals a stash of pills. Now alone in the cell, Shell tells Lorna that she’ll have to fix everything…or else!
Helen is concerned by Nikki’s hostile reaction to finding out that Sean has asked her to marry him and seeks her out, eventually finding her in the potting-shed. Ignoring Nikki’s snide comments, Helen demands to know why the prospect of her marrying Sean should upset Nikki so much. Nikki responds by grabbing Helen’s hand and holding it to her breast. Unsurprisingly, Helen is shocked and embarrassed and, after tearing her hand away, flees the potting shed. Later, Helen summons Nikki to her office and reprimands her for her behaviour. Nikki tries to apologise but Helen is extremely angry, telling Nikki that not only is she a heterosexual, but even if she were attracted to her, there is no way she could have a relationship with a prisoner in her care. Nikki responds to this by storming out of the office.
After being shown the stash of pills Dominic found in Shell’s cell, Fenner storms up to G3 in order to confront her. Faced with that amount of evidence there’s no way he can get her off the hook this time. Shell accuses Nikki of planting the pills and when that doesn’t work, reveals the truth – Lorna smuggled the pills in for her. Faced with so many conflicting explanations, Fenner chooses not to believe any of them and, after throwing Shell across her cell, leaves her sobbing on the floor. Meanwhile, Lorna is pacing the officer’s room, terrified that Shell is going to drop her in it. When Fenner returns and tells all and sundry that he’s going to throw the book at Shell, he makes no mention of the fact that Shell tried to drop her in it. As a result, Lorna is left under the impression that Shell took the rap alone rather than dropping her in it too.
Helen returns home to Sean, and, desperate to prove to herself that Nikki means nothing to her, she tells him that she loves him and that she wants them to get married as soon as possible.
The following morning, Shell is called in for her adjudication and is told that she has lost her enhanced status and her job in the kitchens. The move down to a cell on basic is an exercise in humiliation that Shell vows to inflict on Lorna one day. In the meantime, she takes her frustrations out on Charlie; snapping the poor bird’s neck before flushing him down the toilet.
Shell – “Surprise, surprise! It’s amazing what you hear when you’re doing a number two!”
Lorna – “What’s going on?”
Shell – “I told you, a number two.”
Hollamby – “You may be able to fool Miss Stewart but you can’t fool me. I’ve been in this job too long to have the wool pulled.”
Nikki – “Fifty years now isn’t it?”
Nikki – “Suddenly the place is awash with nice screws. Bodybag will be bringing me cups of tea next!”
Sean – (Holding up a bulb) “If you look you can see a lot of root growth.”
Shell – “They look like a pair of hairy balls!”
Nikki – “Shut it Shell! Some of us are interested in this.”
Shell – “And some of us are interested in hairy balls, we know you’re not.”
Denny – “Can I take some toilet paper?”
Shell – “Sir! Didn’t you know? We don’t get bog paper unless we ask for it. One square now Den!”
Denny – “Sir, can I take four squares?”
Shell – “Sir! Sir! We’re only allowed to take two squares. You should put her on report for taking all of them.”
Nikki – “You wanna go and give Denny a hand? Be a first, it’s usually Denny who wipes your arse!”
Crystal – “I’ll say a prayer for you. Only He can save you…Him and a good barrister!”