Series 3, Episode 3

Written by Phil Ford
Produced by Brian Park
Directed by Laurence Moody

Air Date: 3rd April, 2001


Denny is delighted when she discovers that Josh has got his old maintenance job back. She asks him if he’s caught up with Crystal yet and is surprised when he tells her no.

Karen informs Julie S that her application for electronic tagging was successfully, however, virtue of the incident with Babes Behind Bars punter John, Julie J’s application has been refused. Julie S is now caught in the midst of a dilemma – does she leave Larkhall to see her son perform in his school play or does she stay locked up with her best friend? Julie J decides to do the noble thing and tells Julie S that she won’t hold it against her if she decides to leave. However, it’s not long before Julie J begins to have second thoughts and begs Julie S to stay, insisting that she won’t be able to cope without her. Julie S finally puts her foot down – she wants to see David and nobody is going to stop her. When the time comes for her to leave the prison, the two Julies are hardly talking.

Hollamby is disgusted when the Union refuse to support an all-out strike. She manages to persuade her colleagues to call in sick, leaving G-Wing in the sole care of Karen, Helen and Stubberfield. He makes an announcement over the PA system, informing the inmates that association and visits are cancelled and that lunch will be served in their cells. This news is greeted by uproar from the inmates who all start shouting and banging on their cell doors. Meanwhile, Karen and Helen decide that the inmates should be allowed to run the wing by themselves. Stubberfield is horrified by this idea but eventually sways under pressure. As they set off to start unlocking the cells, Karen insists that Shell should remain on cellular confinement.

Left alone on the wing, the inmates can’t believe their luck. Shaz and Denny are put on servery duty and spend more time mucking around than they do serving food. Meanwhile, Yvonne takes advantage of her unexpected freedom by making a play for Josh and is crushed when he tells her that she’s too old for him. Nikki tries to persuade Yvonne to set her sights on one of her fellow inmates instead but Yvonne is disgusted by this idea, telling Nikki that she’d rather resort to Fenner than another woman. Later that evening, a hand is seen removing a knife from the servery.

Julie S is now safely installed in Monica’s halfway house. Before leaving Larkhall, she had asked Monica to get in contact with David’s father. Trevor visits that night and Julie S explains away her long absence by concocting a story about she and Monica have been abroad, working as travel reps. Julie explains to Monica that Trevor was her childhood sweetheart and that they were separated by Trevor’s parents when they discovered that she was pregnant with David. After agreeing to attend David’s school play, Trevor tells Julie that he often wonders what would have happened to their relationship if his parents hadn’t interfered. It is clear that reconciliation is on both of their minds as they share a quick kiss on the doorstep.

Di is crushed when she hears from Karen that Dominic has fallen in love with a girl he met on holiday and has decided to stay with her in Greece. Back at home, she surveys her McAllister shrine with tears in her eyes. Before long she is interrupted by her mother’s cries for attention and storms off downstairs to see to her. Di walks into the front room and slams the door behind her. A clearly audible slapping sound is heard a few seconds later.

Yvonne inspects the kitchen and notices that there is a knife missing. She immediately suspects Shaz and orders Denny to keep watch as she searches the dorm. After coming up empty handed, Yvonne calls Denny, Shaz, Nikki, Barbara and Julie J together for a council of war. Shaz is confronted about the theft but protests her innocence. The gang are left with no option but to search every cell on the wing. Again, the search is fruitless and Yvonne is beginning to get desperate. Enter Nikki with a cunning plan – a makeshift knife made out of a saucepan handle, a plastic knife and silver foil that fits perfectly into the empty space in the cupboard. Nikki and Yvonne hope that the fake knife will fool Karen for long enough for them to track down the real one.

Helen gives Stubberfield a progress report on her investigation into Shell’s attack on Fenner. As far as she’s concerned, Shell’s actions were pre-meditated and she has found no evidence of any wrongdoing on Fenner’s behalf. A relieved Stubberfield phones Hollamby to make a deal. She agrees to end the strike in return for her immediate re-instatement to Senior Officer.

Barbara reveals her fears that the knife must have been stolen by someone contemplating suicide. Nikki convinces herself that Yvonne is the thief and demands that she hand it over. An amused Yvonne is quick to put Nikki right – she’s sexually frustrated, not suicidal! Nikki gives Yvonne the number of a male escort service and instructs her to arrange for an escort to visit her in the guise of a solicitor. As Nikki and Yvonne laugh together, we see Julie J sitting on her bunk with the knife in her hand.

Having been urged by Monica to tell the truth, Julie meets up with Trevor and tells him that she’s a prostitute out of prison on an electronic tag. Trevor is devastated and Julie begs him to be there for David before she flees, leaving him staring into the Thames. Later as she and Monica take their seats at David’s school, Julie is convinced that she has blown it. However, just when she has given up hope, Trevor arrives and an emotional moment follows when he sees his son for the first time. Unfortunately, Julie’s joy is short-lived. She is struck by an overwhelming sense of doom and senses that Julie J is in trouble. She runs out of the play with Monica and Trevor in pursuit, desperate to return to Larkhall before Julie J can do anything stupid.

Trevor insists on driving Julie S back to the prison but on their arrival, the officers on the gate refuse her admittance. Julie S sees her chance – a delivery van is leaving, giving her the perfect opportunity to jump into Trevor’s car and make a mercy dash before the gates close again. Julie J is just about to slash her wrists when she hears a commotion outside. She looks out of the window to see Julie S screaming at her through the sun roof of Trevor’s car. Julie J is delighted and so are the other inmates who start to chant as Julie S is led away. Later on, Julie J returns to knife to the cupboard.


Karen – “That little incident – giving the hand-job under the table in the visitor’s room – didn’t help you much.”
Julie S – “But…”
Julie J, Julie S – “That was nothing!”
Karen – “It’s out of my hands, no pun intended.”

Nikki – “Where are you off to?”
Josh – “The usual; blocked drain innit?”
Yvonne – (Watches Josh walk up the stairs) “Wouldn’t mind him giving my drain a good rodding!”

Nikki – “Well suppose Josh isn’t up for it?”
Yvonne – “Are you saying I can’t pull?”
Nikki – “What I’m saying is that if you’re so desperate for it, find someone on the same side of the wire…no one would bat an eyelid. It’s a lot easier and you won’t end up down the block.”
Yvonne – “You’re joking? Turn lezzie? I’d rather shag bleedin’ Fenner first!”

Julie S – “Tell you summat Mon; never mind the bricks; I’m shitting three-bed bloody semis!”

Monica – “Macbeth? It’s one of Shakespeare’s tragedies.”
Julie S – “What? You mean it ain’t no good?”

Yvonne – “How many screws does it take to change a lightbulb? Six – one to take it out and five to beat the shit out of it ‘cause it went on the blink! Mr Fenner walks into a bar and says to the barmaid – excuse me love, can I have a pint of lager? She says – sorry love, we only do bottles!”

Nikki – “A saucepan handle and a cutlery knife covered in silver foil…tape ‘em together…(places makeshift knife in knife cupboard)…and there you have it.”
Yvonne – “What do you think this is? Bleedin’ ‘Blue Peter’?”

Nikki – “I know you’re going through a difficult time right now but give me the knife and let me help you.”
Yvonne – “I’m not suicidal you stupid cow, I just want a shag! And as far as helping me goes darling, you just haven’t got the tackle.”
Nikki – “Wanna bet?”

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