Series 3, Episode 6
Written by Maureen Chadwick
Produced by Brian Park
Directed by Jo Johnson
Air Date: 24th April, 2001
Helen gathers the lifers together and informs them that she has arranged for them all to be allocated cells on G3. Yvonne is currently being held in isolation while the police investigate Charlie’s desk and Shell grumbles about the fact that when Yvonne returns, she’ll be allowed to keep her cell on G3. Meanwhile, Shaz begs to be allowed to stay in the dorm with Denny who is fast recovering from her bout of blood poisoning and will be back on the wing within a matter of weeks.
The Julies are throwing the kitchen rubbish away when they discover a cat hiding in one of the bins. They christen the cat Tinker and smuggle him back to their cell. However, it doesn’t take Julie S long to realise that they may have a problem when Tinker needs to go to the toilet. Enter Nikki, who is persuaded to house Tinker in the potting shed. Unfortunately, Tinker is carrying fleas and it’s not long before Nikki and the Julies are covered in bites. The Julies have to resort to giving hand-jobs to the new maintenance man in exchange for him smuggling them flea-powder.
Fenner and Shell are appalled when Helen escorts a new lifer onto the wing – the notorious ‘Podger’ Pam Jolly! Even Helen begins to fear that she may have bitten off more than she can chew when she experiences Pam’s erratic behaviour and religious fanaticism. She goes to speak to Nikki and asks her to take Pam under her wing. Nikki is understandably reluctant but eventually agrees. She warns Helen to be careful because there are a lot of people in Larkhall who would love to see her out of her depth. Helen thanks Nikki for her concern but insists that she can look after herself.
Later that day, an unidentified hand sets fire to a pile of books and papers in Nikki’s cell. Fortunately, Gina spots the smoke and puts the fire out with an extinguisher. Nikki returns to her cell and finds that her precious copy of ‘Sophie’s World’ has been destroyed. Nikki is convinced that Pam is to blame and wastes no time in telling Helen so. In fact, the general consensus of opinion amongst G-Wing’s officers is that Pam started the fire. Even Fenner is in complete agreement with Nikki. Helen goes to speak to Dr Nicholson and is horrified when she discovers that Pam’s mental illness has never been properly evaluated and that the only treatment she has ever received is the appropriate medication to keep her under control.
Gina has noticed that Di has the rampant hots for Josh and doesn’t waste an opportunity to wind her up about it. Josh meanwhile is becoming increasingly uncomfortable with Di’s attentions and tries his best to avoid her. Meanwhile, Di hears a rumour that Josh is involved with ex-inmate Crystal Gordon. In an attempt to drive a wedge between them, she tells Josh that she and Dominic were convinced that Crystal stole Hollamby’s anniversary present. Later, Josh seeks out a fully recovered Denny and asks her about the theft, she assures Josh that she knows the person responsible for the theft and that it definitely wasn’t Crystal.
Pam hears Tinker meowing inside the potting shed and freaks out. The Julies can only watch as she runs into the shed door like a battering ram, screaming her head off. Di and Josh do their best to restrain her but she flees, still screaming, back into the prison. Later, Tinker is nowhere to be found and the Julies confide their worries in Shell who tells them that she’s sure she heard a cat meowing up on G3. Not convinced that Pam is holding Tinker hostage, the Julies recruit Shaz and Buki and storm up to Pam’s cell. Pam is in a right old state and totally incapable of telling the Julies her name, let alone where Tinker is. Buki surprises and terrifies everyone present by flipping her lid. She pushes Pam off her bunk before kicking her in the stomach repeatedly. Pam is later found battered and bloody by Gina and Fenner.
Karen is livid when she hears that Fenner had done another one of his disappearing acts when the attack on Pam took place and goes to speak to him. Fenner isn’t having a very happy time of it at all. If Pam’s not giving him the evil eye, Shell’s sneaking up on him every time his back is turned and scaring the living daylights out of him. After witnessing Fenner’s angry response to her suggestion that he should go for counselling, Karen promises to have Pam transferred off the wing first thing in the morning. However, Helen manages to convince Karen to give Pam a second chance – she’s planning on asking an independent psychiatrist to evaluate Pam and is adamant that they should do all that they can to solve the problem rather that just shunting it off elsewhere. Karen warns Helen that it’s her neck on the block if anything else goes wrong.
The psychiatrist, Dr Waugh, arrives and strikes up an immediate rapport with Pam. He diagnoses her as suffering from paranoid schizophrenia, a condition that can be treated by counselling and anti-psychotic drugs. As far as Helen and Karen are concerned, this is just another example of Dr Nicholson’s incompetence. They take their concerns to Stubberfield who has no choice but to sack Dr Nicholson immediately.
Pam’s medication works quickly and before long, she’s made enough of an improvement to warrant a move to an open prison. Realising that she was completely wrong about Pam, Nikki makes amends by asking her if she would like to help in the garden. The Julies also thaw towards Pam when she and Nikki find Tinker in the potting shed, having just given birth to a basketful of kittens. Helen arranges for Tinker, now renamed Tinkerbelle, and the kittens to be collected by Monica Lindsey. Helen also gives Nikki a new copy of ‘Sophie’s World’ complete with an inscription – “Until we meet on the outside”.
It’s late and Helen walks into to officer’s room in search of Pam’s file. Fenner is leaning against the filing cabinet with a strange look on his face. Helen makes the mistake of asking him if he’s alright and he responds by pinning her up against the filing cabinet and grabbing her crotch. After a few moments, Helen manages to struggle away and flees.
Shell – “Here comes the mobile library! I bet Babs is gonna miss her bedtime story.”
Nikki – “You should try reading sometime, feeds your tiny brain.”
Shell – “Feed me bleedin’ arse!”
Gina – “You can see what sort of sandwich she’s after…her as the filling.”
Di – “Do you have to be so crude?”
Gina – “What you got between your legs Di, a picture of Jesus?”
Nikki – “Cats always know how to find the suckers don’t they? And I get the prize.”
Julie S – “Oh no! Won’t be any trouble…will you Tinker?”
Julie J – “We’ll do all the looking after.”
Nikki – “Well I’m not having Tinker shitting in my shed!”
Shell – “Hey girls! Did I catch you saying something about a cat?”
Julie S – “Cat?”
Julie J – “What cat’s that?”
Shell – “The cat that’s got fleas.”
Nikki – “Listen Dockley, you heard nothing about anything and nor’s Betts, ‘cause if she does, your face is gonna need surgery!”
Shell – “What you saying that for? Like I’m not a cat lover.”
Nikki – “I know exactly what you are doll and I’m warning you.”
Shell – “You don’t have to lick pussies to like em…do ya?”