Series 3, Episode 7

Written by Jaden Clark
Produced by Brian Park
Directed by Jo Johnson

Air Date: 1st May, 2001


Fenner catches up with Helen in the corridor and apologises for the events of the night before. Helen is livid and accuses him of sexually assaulting her, making it clear that if she could prove it, she would have him sacked. Fenner tries to justify his behaviour by blaming it on Shell’s presence and the fact that it’s Helen’s fault she’s back on the wing. Helen seeks Nikki out in the garden and tells her about Fenner’s assault. Predictably, Nikki explodes but Helen makes her promise not to say anything to anyone, especially Fenner.

Karen informs the excited POs that a TV production company have been given the go-ahead to film a fly-on-the-wall documentary called ‘Lady Lags’ inside Larkhall. Stubberfield is practically watering at the moment at the prospect of getting his face on TV and orders his wing governors and senior officers to cooperate with the film crew.

The film crew, consisting of a cameraman, a soundman and a director, Fiona arrive the following week. Shell takes the opportunity to profess her innocence, make allegations against Fenner and flirt with the soundman, Chris. Meanwhile Hollamby is convinced that the documentary will make her a star and doesn’t waste any opportunity to wax lyrical about her “special” relationship with the inmates. Buki however is greatly disturbed by the presence of the film-crew and starts cutting up in front of them. She is taken down the block via a quick stop on the hospital wing. Later, Stubberfield goes to censure Buki for her behaviour in front of the film-crew. His decision backfires when Buki reveals the extent of the sexual abuse she suffered as a child.

Nikki notices Fenner alone in the officer’s room and goes to speak with him. In a low, menacing voice, she warns him to stay away from Helen; after all, Shell’s not the only inmate who’s handy with broken glass. Helen realises that something is going on and collars Nikki when she leaves the officer’s room. Helen is furious, she can’t believe that Nikki would jeopardise her appeal by threatening Fenner. Nikki is unrepentant – violence is the only thing that creeps like Fenner understand.

Fenner is desperate to get rid of Shell. He goes to see her and they make a deal – Fenner will arrange for her to escape from Larkhall in exchange for her going along with his plan to discredit Helen by making entries about how lax the lifers’ regime is in her diary. Despite being ordered to keep the plan to herself, Shell reveals all to Denny and asks her if she wants in on the plan. Denny agrees but, without Shell’s knowledge, asks Shaz to tag along.

Fenner puts his plan into action by making impressions of the film-crew’s van keys and his own cell keys onto a bar of soap. He gives Shell the keys he has made and tells her to make her escape down the chapel corridor during the service the following day. Once in the yard, Shell will find £100 and the van keys under the front wheel of the van. Fenner is convinced that Shell’s uncanny resemblance to film director Fiona should get her through the gates safely.

The following day, Shell asks the Julies to create a diversion during the service. When Shell gives them the nod, they rip the furry microphone cover off the sound boom and throw it across the room. The microphone cover is thrown from inmate to inmate until the chapel is in complete chaos, giving Shell the perfect opportunity to grab Fiona’s jacket and escape down the chapel corridor. Meanwhile, Fenner sneaks into Shell’s cell. He places the diary in one of her drawers and one of Chris’s business cards in her locker. He also leaves the bar of soap, complete with key impressions, underneath her mattress.

Shaz and Denny catch up with Shell at the first gate in the corridor. Shell is furious that Denny has brought Shaz along but realises quickly that she doesn’t have the time to argue of it. Before long, the trio are down the corridor and out into the yard. Shaz and Denny hide in the back of the van while Shell drives it through the prison gates.

After Hollamby finally manages to put an end to the mayhem in the chapel, it doesn’t take her long to realise that she’s missing some inmates. Fenner is horrified when she informs him that Shaz and Denny are on the missing list as well as Shell. He recovers himself swiftly enough to order a search of the prison, knowing that by the time everyone realises that Shaz, Denny and Shell are no longer within Larkhall they will be long gone.

Outside, Shell experiences a bout of road-rage when another car tries to cut her up. She goes after the other car, they collide and the van comes off worse. The trio are forced to abandon the van, but as Shaz climbs out of the back, she trips on a bundle of wires and breaks her ankle. Shaz persuades Denny to leave without her and as the two say an emotional goodbye, Shell manages to flag down a passing taxi. Shell instructs the driver to take them to Kings Cross and as the taxi pulls way, Denny stares mournfully out of the back window at Shaz.


Hollamby – “All I needed was two fat ladies and I’d’ve got Jimmy’s jackpot!”

Fiona – “What do you think about the activities on offer here at Larkhall?”
Buki – “Bollocks!”

Gina – “Got a fag?”
Fenner – “Pissing you off as well are they?”
Gina – “Especially that Fiona (puts on posh accent), “Don’t you think it’s all down to upbringing and education?” I could twat ‘er myself!”

Chaplain – “It’s not communion yet Shell.”
Shell – “Oh sorry, I thought I ‘eard this voice…calling me.”

Shell – “’Ere girls…we’ve only gone and bloody done it! We’re free!”

Hollamby – “They just went wild like a load of banshees. One minute its ‘Sing Hosanna’ and the next minute, all hell’s broken loose.”

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