Series 4, Episode 11
Written by Jaime Caruana
Produced by Claire Phillips
Directed by David Holroyd
Air Date: 9th May, 2002
Now that Fenner has resigned as wing governor, Neil desperately needs to find another one. Karen isn’t interested so, with nowhere left to turn, he offers the job, albeit temporarily, to Hollamby. She is delighted and soon starts jack-booting about, especially after Neil informs her that there are two prison inspectors on their way to Larkhall.
Baxter’s funeral takes part in the chapel and the sight of the tiny coffin on the altar deeply upsets the women. When the new chaplain, Henry Mills asks if anyone would like to say a few words, Crystal stands and stuns the congregation with her anti-God tirade. When she begins to blame Baxter’s death on the poor conditions on the MBU, Mark and Di intervene to quieten her. Outside, Buki and Spike console each other. Buki is convinced that taking Baxter to the park contributed to his death but Spike reassures her, telling her that Baxter loved her.
Al is losing patience with Maxi who was left visibly distressed by Baxter’s funeral; she also refuses to front up when Shaz and Denny tease her about her tears. Forced to take matters into her own hands, Al arranges to meet Shaz in the gym during association for a fight to settle things once and for all. After another round of teasing, Maxi recovers her nerve and informs Al that if anyone is going to fight Shaz, it will be her.
Buki approaches Mark and begs him to find out if her baby son, Lennox, is still alive. Although Karen advises him strongly against getting involved, Mark agrees to help and starts searching through back issues of the local newspaper. He discovers that Lennox was discovered by a passer by and was taken to a local hospital. The nurses at the hospital gave him the name, Winston. Buki is ecstatic when Mark gives her a copy of the newspaper clipping and against Mark’s advice, phones Camden police station to own up to abandoning Lennox/Winston.
Neil plans to impress the prison inspectors with the vast profits Hollamby has made in the newly privatised canteen. However, after G-Wing’s free-for-all, the loss column vastly outweighs the profit column, leaving him with egg all over his face. Hollamby is furious and confronts Barbara. When she realises that she can’t prove foul play, Hollamby announces a mass confiscation of resaleable canteen items. The inmates are furious, but Yvonne is quick to come up with a plan and orders everyone to eat, drink and smoke a bit of everything. Neil and the inspectors arrive on the wing as the confiscations are taking place and find it in total uproar.
Under the guise of a netball match, the fight goes ahead. Cassie has disgusted Roisin and Yvonne with her decision to run a book on the outcome and further infuriates them by making herself referee. At first, the fight is well matched, but when Shaz begins to gain the upper hand, Maxi produces a weapon (a razor blade stuck to the handle of a toothbrush) and manages to slash Shaz’s arm. Shaz redoubles her efforts and succeeds in disarming Maxi, enabling her to go for the knock-out blow. Once Maxi is on the floor, Shaz starts laying into her until Tina intervenes and screams at her to stop. Roisin and Yvonne arrive to stop the fight and find Tina cradling her unconscious sister in her arms. Later in her cell, Maxi attempts suicide by forcing toilet paper down her throat. Awoken by the sounds of Maxi choking herself, Al decides to lend her a helping hand. In the early hours of the morning, she pulls a blanket up over Maxi’s head and returns to her own bunk.
Hollamby discovers Maxi’s body the following morning. Instead of raising the alarm, she panics and locks Al back up with the body while she can come up with a plan to hide it from the inspectors. She collars the Julies and orders them into Maxi’s cell. Hollamby orders Al to keep quiet and, after releasing her, gets the Julies to help her wrap the body in plastic bin liners. Under the noses of the oblivious inspectors, they wheel the body off the wing.
Neil corners Fenner and offers to help him break Karen and Mark up. He tells Fenner that he can arrange for Mark to be offered a promotion in another prison, but makes it clear that he would expect a big favour in return.
Di – “How was the Costa del Sol?”
Hollamby – “Distant memory since I stepped back in here.”
Mark – “Bring us back any nice pressies?”
Hollamby – “I brought back the satisfaction of knowing where Dockley met her watery end, my Bobby and I had a day trip to the very spot.”
Fenner – “You’re back in time to supervise another funeral service.”
Hollamby – “Well if it’s an inmate I’m happy.”
Al – “You wanna shut it you wee shite.”
Shaz – “Why, what you gonna do?”
Al – “Rip your tits off and shove them up your arse, that’s what.”
Shaz – “Go on then Albert, do your worst.”
Barbara – “I’m afraid we’re about to be outed.”
Cassie – “Not me mate, I came out when I was twelve.”
Fenner – “Karen please…”
Karen – “What?”
Fenner – “This is doing my head in, you can’t even look me in the eye.”
Karen – “Why would I want to turn my stomach?”
Cassie – “Right, fighters to the middle. Okay, rounds of three minutes with one minute breaks in between. No points, no draws the fight isn’t over until one of you says submit. No weapons, scratching, biting, fanny grabbing or poking…save that for the privacy of your own cells. Referee’s word is final…may the sexiest woman win!”
Al – “You wanna die Maxi? I’ll help you.”
Fenner – “You’ll never change him Di, Pamela Anderson couldn’t. He’s bent.”
Di – “Not that old cherry again.”
Fenner – “I should know, the pervert tried to slip me one.”
Di – “Well I must be the lucky exception then, Neil’s just asked me to move in with him.”
Yvonne – “Oh look Fenner, here’s your boyfriend.”
Fenner – “Shut it Atkins!”
Yvonne – “Funny how Betts broke it off with you when he came on the scene.”