Series 4, Episode 12


Written by Jaden Clark
Produced by Claire Phillips
Directed by David Holroyd

Air Date: 16th May, 2002

Synopsis

Hollamby and the Julies race around the corridors pushing Maxine’s body, concealed beneath blankets and bin liners, on a trolley. Hollamby decides that the safest place to hide the body from the inspectors in under the altar in the chapel.

Karen is cooling considerably towards Mark and is finding it difficult to feign enthusiasm for their upcoming holiday. Fenner is getting increasingly jealous and realises that the only way to split them up is to go ahead with Neil’s plan to get Mark out of the way, even though it means owing him yet another large favour. Neil is delighted with Fenner’s decision and sets about arranging Mark’s promotion and transfer.

In order to impress the inspectors, Neil informs the POs that he wants as many inmates as possible to attend that morning’s prayer meeting in the chapel. Meanwhile, Crystal has decided that the best way to continue her protest is to disrupt the service as much as possible and ropes in Shaz and Denny to help. They all sing an alternative version of ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’, prompting Neil to usher the inspectors out of the chapel. Hollamby’s relief to see the back of the inspectors soon turns to horror when Crystal loses her rag and approaches the altar. The POs move in to restrain her and in the ensuing struggle the altar is knocked over and Maxi’s body rolls out.

Having decided to forgive Maxi for murdering Virginia, Tina is distraught when she sees her sister’s body. She is given compassionate leave to attend Maxi’s funeral and tries to comfort her devastated father by promising to “keep the Purvis name proud”. She is crushed when her father coldly informs her that she will never be able to measure up to Maxi. The Julies comfort Tina upon her return from the funeral and tell her that there are more important things than family…friends. Tina takes the Julies’ advice to heart and decides that some major changes are in order; she begins by giving Karen a written request to change her appearance and her name. In front of the whole wing, Tina announces the death of Tina Purvis and the birth of strawberry blonde Julie O’Kane…the third Julie!

Although they take a statement from her, the police decide not to press charges against Buki for abandoning Lennox. Buki is delighted by this news and excited about the prospect of meeting with her son. Mark is forced to dash her hopes – Buki will not be allowed to have any contact with Lennox unless he decides to contact her when he reaches the age of 18.

Cassie is convinced that Roisin is trying to move in on Yvonne and warns her off. Roisin reveals that she has already spoken to Yvonne and there’s no point in Cassie continuing to pursue her because she’s not interested. Later, Yvonne goes to speak to Cassie and makes it clear that she isn’t into women. She suspects that Cassie is just trying to avoid getting hurt by not involving herself any further with Roisin. Disarmed, Cassie admits to dreading the prospect of Roisin going back to Aidan after their release but perks up when Yvonne tells her of a sure-fire way to prevent this from happening and that is to make sure that Aidan finds out about their affair.

Having discovered that they have a lot in common, Barbara and Henry begin to spend a lot of time in each other’s company. Their friendship soon turns into mutual attraction and it isn’t long before they are sharing a passionate kiss. However, Barbara soon finds that she is unable to cope with the guilt of knowing that Maxi committed suicide after being beaten in a fight and confesses all to Henry. After assuring Barbara that she is in no way to blame for Maxi’s death, Henry goes straight to Neil with the details of the fight and the names of those involved. Neil acts immediately on this information and puts Shaz on cellular confinement. Later, Barbara accuses Henry of betraying her trust and confidence and tells him that she doesn’t want anything more to do with him.

Karen invites Mark back to her place after work and asks him to stay the night. Later, as he sleeps, she rises from the bed and smokes a cigarette with a troubled look on her face. The following day, Neil receives a summons from Neil and is offered a promotion and a transfer up North. When he relays this news to Karen, he is shocked when she tells him to take the job and heartbroken when she reveals that she doesn’t love him.

Yvonne receives a surprise in the form of a letter from her estranged son, Ritchie, whom she hasn’t seen since he and Charlie had a falling out two years ago. Acting on Roisin’s advice, Yvonne sends Ritchie a VO, hoping that his intention isn’t to give her a mouthful for siding with Charlie. During the visit, Ritchie waves away Yvonne’s apologies and then tells her that with Charlie dead, he has no reason to remain abroad. Yvonne immediately smells a rat and makes Ritchie promise not to interfere with the family business – Lauren has everything under control and doesn’t need his help. Ritchie promises to abide by Yvonne’s wishes but seems overly distracted by a passing Karen.

Neil finally manages to convince Karen to take the wing governor job back, admitting that he made a huge mistake in replacing her with Fenner and then promoting Hollamby. Later, he summons Hollamby to his office and informs her that her incompetence has left him with no option but to bust her back down to uniform.

Karen doesn’t waste any time after dumping Mark and soon has a replacement in her bed…Ritchie Atkins! Meanwhile, Shaz is woken in the middle of the night and is informed that she is being transferred to another prison!

Quotes

Fenner – “He’s second rate Karen you know he is. Cosy meals, evenings at the gym, you’ll be climbing the walls with boredom.”
Karen – “I’ll be climbing Mount Everest before I look your way again.”

Crystal, Shaz, Denny – (To the tune of ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’) “Cockroaches in the bathroom and shit upon the walls, ‘cause God hates all us sinners and puts us in Larkhall.”

Hollamby – “Still ministering Reverend?”
Henry – “I was just thanking Barbara for all of her help today.”
Hollamby – “In the University of Crime, this one’s our resident high-flyer.”
Henry – “I deal with the women in here as Christians, not criminals.”
Hollamby – “Wasn’t so Christian when she murdered her husband was she? If you’ve any thoughts of going native Vicar you’ll do well to remember that they’re all locked up for very good reasons.”

Roisin – “You could bend Bodybag your way before you’d win Yvonne. I’m not racing you to her bloody bed and when she slaps your stupid face don’t come running back to me.”

Fenner – “Right, you know the routine.”
Ritchie – (Points at Karen) “I prefer the feminine touch mate if it’s all the same.”
Karen – “If I had a quid for every time I heard that old line.”
Ritchie – “Here (throws Karen a pound coin) how much for the one about nice legs?”

Julie S – “You wait, by the time we finish with you you’ll be a new woman.”
Tina – “I was thinking…Christina Aguilera?”

Tina – “I got something to say. I don’t want to be called Tina Purvis no more, from now on; I’m gonna be…Julie O’Kane!”
Julie J & Julie S – “Three Julies?”

Julie J – “She better not think that being a Julie is just a bleach job.”
Julie S – “Oh no, if she wants our name she’s gotta earn it.”

Hollamby – “You’ve got sixty seconds Wylie.”
Shaz – “Eh?”
Hollamby – “Choo choo, the ghost-train’s waiting.”
Shaz – “You’re shipping me out? You can’t! I can’t leave Denny!”
Hollamby – “Oh don’t worry about her, she’ll soon find herself another little lesbe-friend. Get her out!”

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