Series 4, Episode 14

Written by Jaden Clark
Produced by Claire Phillips
Directed by Di Patrick

Air Date: 30th May, 2002


Rhiannon is horrified when the Julies are each sentenced to eight years for attacking Damian. She watches the prison van disappearing down the road and then tells Damian that she doesn’t want anything more to do with him. Back at Larkhall, Julie S makes it clear that she blames Rhiannon for the fact that it will be another 8 years before she can be with David. The following morning, Neil and Di encounter Rhiannon at the gate. She begs to be able to see Julie J in order to apologise and a sympathetic Di persuades Neil to give his consent. Although Julie J is forgiving, Julie S is less so. She tells Rhiannon that she will only forgive her if she goes to college and starts to make a proper go of her life.

Neil is still unconvinced by Di’s marriage of convenience idea, especially because she would be entitled to half of everything he owns if they end up getting divorced. But Di doesn’t need Neil’s money – she owns her own flat and stands to inherit her father’s investments when her mother dies – and even offers to prove it by signing a prenuptial agreement. Realising that Di’s offer could solve a lot of his problems, Neil reluctantly agrees. G-Wing’s officers are amazed when Di and Neil announce their engagement, especially Fenner who is asked to be best man.

Crystal is still on her anti-God campaign and starts to give Anti-Bible classes in which she steamrollers Henry by ranting about the inconsistencies and hypocrisies she used to believe in. Henry is upset by Crystal’s loss of faith, especially because she has managed to turn most of the women against him. Snowball has an idea about how he can win his flock back and invites all of the women to the chapel. In a performance worthy of an Oscar, she tells the women that God saved her and that He will forgive them for all of the bad things they have done, even murder. The women gradually come round and Henry is stunned when Snowball leads them all into a hymn.

Denny has mixed feelings about the prospect of seeing Jessie again – she misses her desperately, but dreads the prospect of her turning up drunk, or worse. She is delighted when Hollamby finally manages to locate Jessie and then devastated when Hollamby tells her that she is dead. Jessie meagre belongings are sent to Larkhall and inventoried by Di. Meanwhile, the Julies are concerned by Denny’s depression and decide to make a 21st birthday card which they sign in Jessie’s name and smuggle into the belongings. Denny is made up with the card at first but then she realises that it makes reference to a present she never received. She reports this to Di who informs her that she definitely didn’t come across a birthday card when she was doing the inventory of Jessie’s belongings. Denny realises that the card is the work of the Julies and confronts them angrily, telling them that having nothing was better than having her hopes built up and then cruelly dashed.

Snowball overhears a concerned Cassie tell Yvonne about her fears that Roisin is back on drugs. She passes the information on to Fenner who in turn, arranges a drug test for Roisin, knowing that a positive result is guaranteed. Roisin is sent straight down the block to await her adjudication and injures herself by repeatedly banging her head against the wall. Against Mark’s protests, Neil sentences Roisin to 21 days of segregation and adds 42 days to her sentence; he also suspends her visiting rights for 28 days. After another night of banging her head against the wall, Roisin wakes up on the following morning on the muppet wing.

Buki is so disturbed by Crystal’s anti-God rants that she cuts up again. This is the last straw for Hollamby who decides that Crystal is causing too much trouble and places her on cellular confinement until her release in 10 days time. Meanwhile, a concerned Di goes to Neil and persuades him to allow Crystal out early. Crystal is shocked when Hollamby informs her to gather her belongings together for an early release. There are a series of emotional farewells on the wing before Crystal finally steps out of the prison gates to be reunited with Josh and baby Zandra.

After spinning Henry a sob-story about having a sick mother, Snowball is allowed to make private phone calls on his office phone. She telephones the person on the outside who is smuggling stuff in for her – Ritchie Atkins! She tells him that the thing they have planned will go ahead on G-Wing’s upcoming open day.

Thanks to her tip-off about Roisin, Snowball knows that Fenner believes that she is passing on kosher information. She takes him to one side and tells him that Yvonne is planning to escape.


Hollamby – “Any idea where I should start looking for your mother? Gutters north or south of the river?”

Fenner – “As some of you might already know, in a couple of weeks G-Wing’s having an open day.”
Denny – “You gonna open the gates?”

Fenner – “I’m going to need some volunteers. How about you Snowball?”
Snowball – “Why, what’s in it for me?”
Yvonne – “Oh we all know what he’s got for you.”

Hollamby – “Blood, I’ve located your mother.”
Denny – “You found her? Oh ace man, how is she?”
Hollamby – “She’s dead.”

Julie O’K – “Feeding five thousand people with a few loaves and fishes…hah! Even Buki couldn’t have thought that one up!”

Julie O’K – “God should make himself more obvious up there innit? I mean, what’s the point in keeping us guessing?”

Hollamby – “Gordon, tomorrow you’re going home.”
Crystal – “Yeah, the devil’s gonna give me wings so I can fly.”
Hollamby – “Just make sure you pack your tambourine.”

Fenner – “Wise move mate, get out while the going’s good. I’ll give your love to Karen, don’t you worry about that.”
Mark – “You know I had this speech all planned in my mind, about you thinking you’re God’s bloody gift to women.”
Fenner – “Save your breath eh?”
Mark – “Mmm, that’s what I thought. (Knees Fenner in the nuts) Tell Karen I gave you that.”

Julie J – “Do something for me Crys, you take Zandra for a walk to some big park somewhere and when you find the highest spot, where you can see for miles and miles…think of us.”

Denny – “You give little Zandra a kiss from me…and Josh n’all.”
Crystal – “You come see us Den; only…don’t bring Shell with you next time.”

Denny – “You twats!”
Julie J – “But you were feeling so bad…”
Julie O’K – “We wanted to make it better.”
Denny – “You know what, having nothing is bad, but having something and having it took away, that’s shit man!”

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