Series 4, Episode 16

Written by Maureen Chadwick & Ann McManus
Produced by Claire Phillips
Directed by Jim O’Hanlon

Air Date: 13th June, 2002


Di proudly shows the photos of her wedding to everyone she manages to pin to one spot for more than two seconds. Neil is rather embarrassed by the whole situation, especially when Julie O’K presents him and Di with a home-made card that has been signed by most of the women on the wing. Fenner is also embarrassed, he can’t remember much of what happened on Neil’s stag night but what he can remember, he blames on alcohol.

Snowball receives a shock when she arrives in the library to find Al and Denny moving the shelves and their contents into the corridor. She is relieved when she finds the two books containing her bomb and conceals them carefully amongst the other books. Now that the bomb is safe, she puts the finishing touches on her nun disguise by stealing Barbara’s glasses. She also sneaks into Yvonne’s cell and steals the card that was attached to a bunch of flowers Ritchie sent into the prison for her.

Roisin and Cassie continue to work on their plan to highlight the plight of mothers in prison. Cassie has had a change of heart about Roisin’s children and tells her that she is now comfortable with the idea of living with them after their release. She promises Roisin that she will do everything she can to help her to battle for custody of the children.

The open day arrives and the visitors are taken straight to G-Wing to hear the three Julies’ rap. The visitors squirm with embarrassment as the Julies break into a tirade against the prison service while a furious Neil seethes in the background. Meanwhile, Snowball doctors Ritchie’s card so that it reads “Don’t place your bets until Rod’s in K’s bag”. She gives the card to Fenner and explains that “rod” is another word for gun. Fenner is now convinced that Ritchie has managed to conceal a gun in Karen’s handbag to aid Yvonne’s escape. Karen can’t believe it when Fenner bursts into her office and upends the contents of her handbag onto her desk. She is shocked when she sees the gun lying there. After placing the gun in her desk drawer, Karen grabs the radio and orders the POs to track Yvonne down.

Yvonne has arranged for yet another male escort to be smuggled into the prison, this time posing as the manager of a security company looking to take part in the ‘adopt a prisoner’ scheme. Blissfully unaware of the fact that Karen and Fenner are desperately searching the prison for her, Yvonne whisks the escort away to the privacy of Henry’s office. Snowball, who had been waiting for a call from Ritchie, is forced to hide underneath a table when Yvonne and the escort walk in. She curses her luck as the phone begins to ring. Fearing discovery, Yvonne instructs the escort to answer the phone pretending to be the vicar. She smells a rat when the caller asks to speak to Snowball and grabs the phone, hanging up when she hears Ritchie’s voice. After getting rid of the escort, Yvonne dials 1471 and calls Ritchie back. She tells him that she’s on to him and Snowball and that they’re both in serious trouble.

Shaz arrives back at Larkhall for her inter-prison visit with Denny. When they are left alone in the art room, Shaz clogs up the lock with blu-tack to ensure their privacy and then produces a bag of magic mushrooms. Before long, Shaz and Denny are completely out of it and lounging on an upturned table, hallucinating that they are drifting on a raft in the middle of a shark-infested ocean.

Neil is informed that Yvonne has gone missing and arranges for the visitors to be taken on a tour of the prison garden so that a proper search can be conducted. Fenner and a group of POs manage to catch up with Yvonne in Henry’s office and drag her straight down the block. As Karen phones Neil to inform him of the situation, the bomb explodes!

Barbara, all three Julies, Al, Buki, Neil, Cassie and Roisin are in the library at the moment of the explosion. When they come round, they discover that they are trapped by the flames that are quickly consuming the shelves of books in the corridor outside. Roisin tries to help Neil and quickly comes to the conclusion that he is critically injured and must be rushed to hospital immediately to have any chance of survival. Cassie and Roisin lift Neil onto a trolley and cover him with a blanket they soak with the contents of a water bottle, preparing to push him through the flames to safety. They success in getting Neil to the other side of the flames but are both badly burnt in the process. On the wing, Karen does her best to organise the POs while Henry worries about Barbara. Just when it looks like things can’t get any worse, Fenner arrives with news about the fire brigade – they are caught in a traffic jam en route to the prison.

Karen and Fenner go down to the block to question Yvonne. Karen listens in shock and mounting horror as Yvonne reveals to her that Snowball and Ritchie planted the bomb so that Snowball could escape. Realising that she has been played for a mug, Karen sets off in search of Snowball who is now dressed as a nun and mingling with the other visitors who are making their way out of the prison. Karen and Fenner manage to apprehend Snowball just as she is about to step through the front gates.

Julie S and Al manage to break through one of the panels in the art room door with a fire extinguisher. Shaz is still off her face and Denny is unable to make her understand the danger they are in, all Shaz is concerned about is the sharks that she can still see circling their ‘raft’. She is unwilling to leave the upturned table and Denny is unable to drag her over to the door. Reluctantly, Denny is forced to leave Shaz. Julie S and Al pull her through the door just as a flaming bookcase collapses and separates the art room from the library with a wall of fire. Shaz finally sobers up when she begins to choke on the smoke pouring into the art room, she screams for Denny to help her but it’s too late.

Paramedics have treated Roisin and Cassie and have wrapped their burns in plastic. A tearful Di informs them that Neil is now in a stable condition in hospital. She thanks them both for saving his life and tells them she and Neil will do everything they can to insure that they receive a full pardon as a reward for saving his life.

The situation is worsening in the library. The flames are beginning to seep through the door and Julie S and Al try to block it by piling desks and bookcases in front of the door. Meanwhile, Julie J realises that Barbara is unconscious and spots blood trickling from her ears.

Fenner visits Snowball down the block and finds her in an unrepentant mood. However, Fenner has a surprise that is guaranteed to wipe the smile off her smug face – he allows Yvonne into the cell and gives them five minutes alone.

Fenner tries to persuade Karen not to report the gun – they’ve apprehended Snowball so why should she risk her job? Karen refuses to listen and picks up the phone to report the gun. However, when she opens her desk drawer, both she and Fenner are stunned to discover that the gun is missing!

The fire brigade has finally arrived but it looks like they might be too late to save the women in the library. As they hang from the window, begging the firemen to save them, Julie S falls to the floor choking. Realising that it’s too late, the women begin to consign themselves to their fate. Meanwhile, the fire finally breaks through the door. The bookcase they used to block the door is now on fire and collapses as the room is consumed with flames.


Cassie – “Rosh, what’s happened in here, especially for you, it’s been hell. But one good thing’s come out of it, you’ve stopped thinking you can have Aidan and me and I know I can’t have you without your kids…and I love you.”
Roisin – “I love you.”
Cassie – “There’s no way I’m cleaning up sick though.”

Buki – “I’ve gotta get one of those visitors to sponsor me so I can go for training.”
Denny – “What, you forgot your trade already? Shut your eyes, open your legs and moan and groan until the punter has his end away…simple.”

Yvonne – “So, it’s the porn industry you’re into these days is it?”
Ritchie – “Mum?”
Yvonne – “Listen to me you devious little bastard, I don’t know what you’re up to but I’m gonna have your balls cut off and when I get my hands on that actress girlfriend of yours I’m gonna ram ‘em down her throat.”

Al – “Have you seen Snowball?”
Barbara – “I haven’t seen anything since I lost my glasses.”

Karen – “What’s this then? About the gun he hid in my handbag.”
Yvonne – “You’d better find out who wrote it, whose personal officer got her a job in the library.”
Karen – “Just tell me, what’s your shit of a son after?”
Yvonne – “Snowball Merriman’s his tart! She’s why Ritchie turned up to see me after all these years, so they could sting me for fifty grand for the getaway plan. He’s screwed the both of us.”

Shaz – “I want to stay on our boat!”
Denny – “Shaz stop pissing us about, you’re gonna burn to friggin’ death!”
Shaz – “I’m not, I’m gonna drown and get eaten by sharks.”
Julie S – “If you don’t come out this door you’re gonna get cremated…please!”
Shaz – (blows raspberry)

Karen – “Just a sec. (Stops Snowball at gate) Its prayer time alright for you, sister Snowball.”

Fenner – “You made your bed…(places a roll of toilet paper on the bed)…now piss on it.”
Snowball – “This is the worst you can do to me? Well hey, if I’m not on death-row, I’m on holiday.”
Fenner – “Not even an apology. Oh well. (Pauses while Hollamby brings Yvonne into the cell) She’s all yours Atkins; you’ve got five minutes. Ding ding!”

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