Series 4, Episode 8

Written by Jayne Hollinson
Produced by Claire Phillips
Directed by Brett Fallis

Air Date: 18th April, 2002


Unable to cope with the humiliation she suffered at the hands of Shaz and Denny, Buki slashes her wrists. Tina makes the horrific discovery and a guilty Denny looks on as Buki is whisked away to the hospital wing by Karen and Mark. Yvonne is disgusted when she hears the news and makes it clear to Shaz and Denny that she will expect them to make amends.

Fenner tries to apologise to Karen for giving Neil the photograph of her but she’s not interested and tells him where to go. Meanwhile, after hearing Mark’s concerns about morale on the wing, Di comes up with a brainwave – why not get the women involved in redecorating the wing? Fenner stamps on the idea immediately, prompting Di to take it up with Neil. Predictably, Neil jumps at the chance to go over Fenner’s head and gives Di the go ahead. Fenner is furious when he finds out and makes some very choice comments to Di about Neil’s sexuality, not that Di’s listening; Neil has asked her to go to a concert with him later that night.

Tina and Noreen are struggling with their new jobs in the kitchen. They drop most that morning’s eggs and sausage on the floor and are reduced to serving the unhappy inmates porridge. The Julies, still stinging from the loss of their own red bands, consider Tina and Noreen’s ineptitude as a slight on their own abilities and start working on a plan to oust them from the kitchen. They remove the fuse from the hotplate and sit back to watch the fireworks when Tina and Noreen are forced to serve up cold food. However, their plan backfires when Karen calls for an electrician to fix the hotplate and then again when Noreen whips up a batch of cheese straws that has the entire wing in raptures.

Al and Maxi are escorted back onto the wing and the POs are put on high alert just in case Yvonne decides to cause trouble. Yvonne however is more concerned about Shaz and Denny’s treatment of Buki and convenes a kangaroo court to decide their punishment. Denny is chastened and immediately agrees when Yvonne suggests that she give Buki a month’s spends in reparation. Shaz, who can’t see what the problem is, refuses but is forced to relent when Yvonne ups the ante to two month’s spends. It’s the last straw for Shaz when Yvonne forces her and Denny to apologise to Buki the following morning. She tells Yvonne to get lost and then storms off.

Cassie overhears Barbara explaining the new computerised canteen accounts system to Mark and is immediately hit by inspiration – what if she could re-program the system to add whatever is spent to each inmates total rather than subtract it. Yvonne thinks that this is a fantastic idea and sets about convincing a very reluctant Barbara to allow Cassie to re-program the system. Yvonne is lost in admiration; something a jealous Roisin is quick to make an issue of when she and Cassie are next alone. But soon Roisin has more important things on her mind – her husband, Aidan has taken their children and moved out of their house, without leaving a forwarding address.

Neil quickly realises that he has his work cut out with Di. After the concert they go back to her place and she makes a pass at him. Neil tries to take a rain check but Di is too shrewd and tells him about the rumours Fenner has been spreading about his sexuality. Forced into a corner, Neil has no choice but to allow Di to work her wicked way on him.

Noreen lets slip to Yvonne that her son is currently serving time in Wentmore, the prison Neil was posted to before Larkhall. Noreen’s son’s cellmate saw Neil being ‘indiscreet’ with the prison chaplain. Yvonne tips Fenner off about this and he goes straight to Neil. Fenner is shocked when he bursts into Neil’s office and finds him canoodling with Di, but quickly realises that Neil is using Di to allay the rumours that have been circulating about his preference for men in cassocks. Fenner informs Neil that he’s been in contact with personnel and is planning to make a complaint against him for sexual harassment.

Neil decides to take advantage of the wedge he has driven between Karen and Fenner by inviting her along to his office for a private chat. He tells her that he has recently come across Helen Stewart’s report into Shell Dockley’s allegations of assault and has heard rumours that Fenner was involved in Rachel Hick’s suicide. In short, he has grave concerns about Fenner’s attitude to women and gives this as his reason for kicking Fenner out of his house. Karen struggles with her conscience for a few moments before revealing the true extent of the bad feeling between Helen and Fenner, which of course includes the allegations of sexual assault she made against him.

The Julies decide that shock tactics are needed to oust Tina and Noreen from the kitchen and drop some giant cockroaches into the pancake mix they are preparing for the following days breakfast. The plan works like a dream – Crystal goes into orbit when she bites into a cockroach and an appalled Barbara threatens to report the incident to the board of visitors. As a result, Karen fires Tina and Noreen and gives the Julies their old jobs back. As the Julies struggle to hide their delight, Karen escorts Crystal to the doctor.

Maxi has decided to capitalise on the bad feeling between Shaz and Yvonne. She makes an effort to be friendly to Shaz, telling her that it’s about time someone took Yvonne down a peg or two. Before long, Maxi manages to talk Shaz into using her kickboxing skills to teach Yvonne a lesson. Shaz waits until Yvonne is alone in the laundry room before confronting her; ignorant of the fact that Maxi is waiting in the corridor with a belt. When Yvonne tells her to get lost, Shaz loses her patience and kicks Yvonne in the back. Maxi sees her opportunity and rushes in. Before Yvonne can react, Maxi has the belt around her neck and begins to strangle her.

Neil rifles through a box of floppy disks that Helen left behind and comes across a copy of her statement of sexual assault against Fenner. Neil calls Fenner up to his office and threatens to take Helen’s allegations to personnel – he doubts that they will continue to take Fenner’s allegations seriously when they find out that Neil is the second governor who has been on the receiving end of a gay blackmail threat. Neil orders Fenner to go straight to personnel to withdraw his complaint and admit that it was made out of a grudge.


Fenner – “I was just showing off to Grayling, boasting I’d got you. I feel really shitty about it now but can’t you see, he’s just trying to cover himself, I’m telling you, he’s a bloody shirtlifter!”
Karen – “You have betrayed everything we had Jim. You have made me feel dirty and pathetic so you can piss right off.”

Yvonne – “I don’t do porridge.”

Di – “A computer doesn’t make mistakes.”
Yvonne – “You should put a wig on it and lend it out to the Bailey miss.”

Di – “Right, I’m off early tonight, I’ve got a date.”
Mark – “Oh yeah? Who’s his girlfriend?”

Di – “Look Jim, about today…”
Fenner – “What, about you brown-nosing the boss behind my back?”
Di – “It wasn’t like that.”
Fenner – “You want to watch where you put your nose Di, you don’t know what else has been up there.”

Yvonne – “By the way guys, I think I sussed what’s eating Fenner…looks like his new boss is gay.”
Noreen – “Oh he is, my son’s in Wentmore where that Mr Grayling was last. His cellmate saw him in the chapel…up the vicar.”

Fenner – (on Di) “That sad cow would shag a broomstick.”

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