Series 5, Episode 10
Written by Jo O’Keefe
Produced by David Crean
Directed by Laurence Moody
Air Date: 10th July, 2003
Now that she’s moved into the flat next door to him in the officer’s accommodation, Hedges is finding it increasingly difficult to avoid Hollamby’s attentions. If she’s not lying in wait in order to catch him on his way to and from work she’s offering to pop round for a cuppa. Hedges realises pretty quickly that Hollamby is lonely and deals with her friendly overtures with a remarkable amount of tact. However, when Hollamby invites him around for a cup of tea he finds himself unable to think up a decent excuse and before long, is fixing her leaking taps and dodgy toilet flush.
Snowball is in a wretched state – unable to cope with Ritchie’s death, she has resorted to starvation and self-harming. Karen persuades Neil to take Snowball out of solitary confinement in the hope that this will lift her spirits, but this will also mean that she will have to deal with the constant threats of violence from the other women, Yvonne in particular. Although Karen fails to talk Yvonne around, Hedges has better luck, pointing out that if she kills Snowball, she’ll spend the rest of her life in Larkhall and make Fenner’s day in the process. After reflecting on this, Yvonne agrees to lay off Snowball in return for Karen putting her back on enhanced.
Di is horrified to learn that she has contracted a sexually transmitted disease from the sperm sample obtained from the unwitting Neil by his boyfriend Tony. But when Neil goes to the doctor, his own blood tests come back clear. Realising that he can’t be the father of the baby, Neil orders Di out of his house and then speeds up the process for her by throwing her belongings into a suitcase.
Julie S is recovering from her mastectomy in hospital – but with her soul mate Julie J back at Larkhall, it seems unlikely that Julie S will be able to stay away for long. Despite Hollamby’s objections, Julie insists on discharging herself in order to return to her own bed on the wing. Reluctantly, the consultant agrees to Julie’s request and she returns to a rapturous reception on G-Wing as well as the shock of seeing what Julie J has done to her hair.
While the Two Julies are brought even closer together by Julie S’s health scare, Tina feels even more left out. But she’s soon cheered up by the manipulative attentions of Fenner, who’s quick to turn on the charm when he realises that Tina will make an ideal spy for him G-wing.
Burning with hate and resentment, Di takes great pleasure in informing Neil that she’s still pregnant and that Tony must be the father – she had paid him to collect Neil’s sperm, something he obviously failed to do. Later, Tony manages to convince Neil that he did what he did because Di told him that it was what Neil wanted – he mixed his own sperm with Neil’s in the misguided belief that it would mean that the baby had been fathered by both of them. Tony also manages to persuade Neil that they should raise the baby together, but it would seem that Di has other ideas – she doesn’t want Tony’s baby and has booked herself in for another abortion, this time intending to go ahead with it.
Yvonne is growing increasingly fond of Colin– but as an Atkins, she knows that you can’t be too careful. As far as she’s aware, Colin’s a single man and no longer using heroin…so why, when Yvonne sends her daughter Lauren to check things out at Colin’s flat, does she find a plentiful supply of smack and a mystery blonde sleeping in Colin’s bed?
When Snowball is allowed out of her cell for lunch, the other inmates line up to do her bodily harm. However, Yvonne has other ideas and tells the whole wing that if anything happens to Snowball they’ll have her to answer to. This isn’t what Snowball wants to hear and later, she pleads with Yvonne to help her commit suicide. Yvonne eventually agrees, but at a price – she wants Snowball to write a suicide note, the contents of which will remain a secret until after her death.
With Hedges distracted by Yvonne, Snowball makes her way to the G2 landing. Quickly, she ties the cord from a towelling bathrobe to the railings and then loops the other end around her neck. Before anyone can stop her, she jumps from the landing and hangs herself, her neck breaking with a gruesomely loud crack.
Tina – “I can’t believe you done that to yourself; you look like a friggin’ bog brush!”
Julie J – “Yeah, well I done it for Jue…solidarity?”
Tina – “Yeah? Well you cut the wrong thing off didn’t you?”
Buki – “So how come you didn’t send me no postcards?”
Denny – “Because bitch, the only thing I’d send you is a big, fat shit parcel.”
Al – “She looks like Bart Simpson.”
Buki – “Looks like his arse more like.”
Hollamby – “Dry your eyes…have some pop.”
Buki – “I reckon he fancies her…innit Yvonne?”
Yvonne – “You must be joking! I wouldn’t touch him with somebody else’s.”
Neil – “You have made my life a misery! If you booked the next flight out to Australia it wouldn’t be far enough.”
Di – “Do you think it’s been a picnic for me?”
Neil – “I couldn’t care less! Tomorrow I’m making it public; we’re getting divorced…the sooner you’re out of my life the better!”
Neil – “Oh Di, we should think about a work move for you too…how does Dartmoor sound?”
Hollamby – “The prices plumbers charge, they’d rob the eyes out of your head if you weren’t looking.”
Di – “You can relax about the bambino…I’ve decided, I’m getting rid.”
Neil – “We’ve heard that before.”
Di – “Yeah, well this time I mean it. The last thing I want is to give birth to his diseased kid!”
Julie J – “She’s fast asleep, bless her.”
Barbara – “It’s nature’s great healer sleep; it’s when the body repairs itself.”
Julie J – “It ain’t gonna grow her a new boob though is it?”