Series 5, Episode 3
Written by Phil Ford
Produced by David Crean
Directed by Jim Loach
Air Date: 22nd May, 2003
Snowball has managed to escape Larkhall, and thanks to Ritchie’s driving, has also managed to elude the armed heavies hired by Yvonne to stop her in her tracks. She and her beloved Ritchie are briefly reunited – until Snowball threatens to shoot hostage Karen Betts. Ritchie steps in to stop Snowball from going too far but the gun goes off accidentally and Ritchie falls to the ground with blood already oozing from the gunshot wound in his stomach. In the meantime, news of the escape has reached Neil Grayling, now painfully aware that his career is on the line and privatisation is increasingly likely.
The Costa Cons, Phyl and Bev arrive at Larkhall and are immediately disgusted by the squalid conditions – they’re accustomed to the sunshine of the Costa Del Sol and the luxury of their villas. The screws are amused by their apparently naïve attitude, but Phyl and Bev are a lot craftier than they look. Within hours they’re downing smuggled G&Ts and thinking of clever schemes to make their five-year stretch just that little bit more bearable. And they start by persuading a grieving Denny that Bev can contact the dead.
Karen takes Yvonne to the hospital to visit Ritchie. Yvonne is devastated when she discovers that Ritchie is now paralysed from the waist down and decides to forgive him, maybe when she is released, they can live together with Lauren as a family again. However, the only person Ritchie wants to be with is Snowball and despite Yvonne’s obvious disgust, he pleads with her to deliver a letter. Affected both by her ordeal and the sight of her former lover in a hospital bed, Karen suggests that she and Yvonne make a detour to the nearest bar were they are soon downing a bottle of vodka and talking like old friends.
Shell is operating a nice little earner of her own – being pregnant doesn’t stop her from letting Jim Fenner act as her pimp, and first in the queue is the sleazy Colin. Denny receives payment in phonecards for acting as Shell’s look-out, but asks for a one-off payment of gin and tonic – the payment Bev has requested for contacting Shaz. Despite Shell’s scepticism, Denny believes in Bev’s abilities and is over the moon when she manages to contact Shaz immediately – she doesn’t realise that Bev and Phyl have already pumped Di for details of the fire and Shaz’s personality – however, even though they are conning her, Phyl and Bev are, unintentionally, doing Denny a favour…she now firmly believes that Shaz is at peace, and, more importantly, has forgiven her for abandoning her to her death. Later, Denny makes her peace with Yvonne who tells her that she loves her as much as her own family and that Denny will have a home with her when she is released…in fact, why don’t they make it official by finding out if Denny can be adopted.
Sylvia is devastated by Bobby’s suicide but at the same time, she can’t help feeling that he let
her down, especially now that her home is about to be repossessed. Concerned when Hollamby burst into tears on the wing when the Julies present her with a sympathy card, Di suggests that she speak to Henry. After learning that he too has lost a spouse, Hollamby feels an immediate affinity with Henry…Barbara can’t help but raise an eyebrow when she overhears Hollamby singing Henry’s praises to Di.
Di, still at loggerheads with Neil, discovers ‘Gnasher’s’ true identity – Julie OK and Al – but realises that she might be able to turn things to her advantage if the threats keep coming, particularly if they refer to her husband’s sexuality.
Snowball is sent down the punishment block following her second escape plan and the news that she accidentally shot Yvonne’s son, she’s less popular with the inmates than ever. Julie OK and Julie J demonstrate their disgust by bringing her semi-raw chicken for dinner – which gives the ever-resourceful Snowball an idea.
Julie J – “’Ere Babs, we done a sympathy card for old Bodybag.”
Julie S – “You know, after her husband topping himself.”
Julie J – “Yeah, well you gotta feel sorry for the old cow.”
Barbara – “Only a Christian could.”
Bev – “Oh Phyl, this is more than my nerves can hack.”
Phyl – “It’s pretty nasty Bev but we’ll soon work our wits on it.”
Bev – “You really think so darling?”
Phyl – “Got into the Royal enclosure at bloody Ascot didn’t we?”
Julie S – “I’m a touch psychic myself.”
Phyl – (Pointing to Bev) She’s the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter.”
Julie J – “Shame…all those hand-me-downs.”
Karen – “I’d go lesbian like a shot if all it took was a bloody pill.”
Yvonne – “I don’t want you after my daughter next.”
Shell – “I ain’t getting covered with spunk so you can check with Shaz’s ghost!”
Bev – “You said we’d be fine, didn’t you darling?”
Phyl – “The number of imbeciles, suckers and dysfunctional numbskulls there are in this place to pick off…we should be in bloody clover!”