Series 5, Episode 5


Written by Phil Ford
Produced by David Crean
Directed by AJ Quinn

Air Date: 5th June, 2003


Yvonne has her suspicions about what happened between Shell, Hedges and Fenner. Aware that Shell adored her baby and would never have dreamed of harming him, she sets about trying to discover the truth. She cross-examines Hedges who tells her to get lost, but then he finds out that she was married to gangland boss Charlie Atkins and, as Fenner cheerfully points out, if she can knock her husband off and get away with it, it would be a doddle to do the same to him. Yvonne isn’t the only one harbouring suspicions; Karen may think that Shell is capable of a lot of things, but harming one of her children isn’t one of them. Luckily for Hedges, Neil believes his story, but that doesn’t do anything to ease his guilty conscience, but, as Fenner later informs him, if he comes clean about what really happened in Shell’s cell, he’ll also have to come clean about paying her for sexual favours. To help allay his guilt, Hedges barricades himself in the toilet and takes refuge in a syringe full of heroin.

In a last chance attempt to reform Snowball, Neil appoints her to the privileged position as his orderly. She still has to cope with the hatred of the other prisoners, and being parted from Ritchie but is determined to make a good impression on Neil in the hope of him granting their request for a closed visit. Yvonne is furious when she hears about Snowball’s cushy new job and refuses to pass any more of her letters on to Ritchie.

Hollamby has wangled jobs in the garden for Phyl and Bev. As they labour in the heat of the greenhouse, Phyl is hit by a brainwave – the temperature would be ideal for a still, and what’s more, she remembers a recipe for moonshine her father’s batman used to brew in Saudi Arabia. As an old hand when it comes to hooch, Julie J agrees to smuggle the required ingredients from the kitchen in exchange for a tarot reading.

Di is finding life with Neil increasingly frustrating, especially when he refuses to entertain the idea of her having their baby. The anonymous letters from “Gnasher” aren’t helping either, and when Neil begins entertaining his one-night-stands in the marital home, it’s the last straw.

Hollamby is twice humiliated – first when the police raid the luxury Mayfair flat she has been renting from Phyl and Bev and inform her that it is not theirs to rent out, and secondly when Henry rejects her advances. For a while it seems that Hollamby is homeless as well as lonely but luckily, Di steps into the breach and invites her to stay with her and Neil…of course, in order to maintain appearances, it also means that Neil has no option but to let Di share his bed.

Eric Bostock begins to interview the POs for their own jobs in preparation for Larkhall’s privatisation – with the exception of Fenner who has asked to be interviewed for the position of Wing Governor. Not only would this mean Jim ruling the roost once more, it would also mean that Larkhall would have no room for Karen Betts.

Buki has tracked down her disabled son and is bombarding his care home with phone calls. Karen suggests that her approach should be more positive, and the prisoners rally round. Even Phyl and Bev come up with a way to help and offer Phyl’s engineering skills to help build Lennox a motorised wheelchair.


Yvonne – “I’ just a con, but I do know something made Dockley as mad as hell but she’d never have harmed her baby …and if I find out somebody else did, I’ll have his bollocks for earrings.”

Di – “You’re gay Neil, you’re not an alien! Doesn’t mean you don’t have normal human needs…like being a father.”
Neil – “This isn’t about my needs Di, because all I need is a sensitive bloke with a strong grip.”

Yvonne – “What the hell’s she doing back?”
Fenner – “Not my call Atkins. If it was up to me I’d put her in a cage with an iron collar and a sack on her head.”

Snowball – “I need to know how Ritchie is.”
Yvonne – “How do you expect when his so-called girlfriend killed off everything south of his belt-buckle!”

Yvonne – “What the hell’s going on with Merriman?”
Karen – “Orders from above.”
Yvonne – “Straight off the block into a cushy job making tea and crumpets? What she do, stick the gun up Grayling’s arse this time?”

Hollamby – “There’s only one way to run a prison and that’s like Alcatraz…not Asda.”

Yvonne – “Yeah? What do you want?”
Hedges – “Well first off, you can stop looking at me like I’m something you just trod in.”
Yvonne – “Why? You think you smell sweeter now that you’ve rolled in it?”

Neil – “Well I couldn’t eat another thing.”
Hollamby – “Are you sure? My Bobby used to say that my steak pie would turn a Buddhist.”

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