Series 6, Episode 8

Written by Phil Ford
Produced by Cameron Roach
Directed by Ian White

Air Date: 19th May, 2004


“The police are convinced that Tanya poisoned her fellow inmates with the contents of her hamper in revenge for being bullied. Tanya flatly denies the allegations and points out that the POs confiscated most of the hamper before it was delivered to her. Any of the POs had ample opportunity to tamper with the contents. After her interview, she is segregated on the block for her own protection. Kris is next in to be interviewed and is treated as an accessory – who better than one of the gardeners to provide Tanya with rhubarb leaves. Kris denies everything and then goes straight off to warn Phyl and Bev that the poison has been traced back to the rhubarb. Phyl and Bev are soon flushing their gardening books down the toilet.

Di also becomes a suspect when the police are told that she baked the keyhole-shaped biscuits that were placed in the hamper. She desperately pleads her innocence, convinced that Frances was the one who told tales. Meanwhile Frances is the only one on the wing who is not convinced of Tanya’s guilt. The fact that there was a high probability of the hamper being tampered with before it was delivered to her says it all, and anyway, something like that isn’t Tanya’s style…it is Natalie’s though. Once again, Neil suggests that Frances’s is allowing her personal feelings to cloud her judgement and refuses to even consider Natalie as a suspect.

Julie J is so preoccupied with her attraction to Colin she has completely forgotten that it’s her and Julie S’s birthday the following day. Julie S is upset, especially when Julie J reveals to her the true depths of her feelings for Colin. The two talk it over and Julie S eventually comes to the conclusion that nothing is more important than her best friend’s happiness. She goes to speak to Colin and asks him for a favour.

Phyl and Bev are crapping themselves at the prospect of Natalie’s return from the hospital wing – how are they going to explain what went wrong with their plan to kill Frances? Natalie is furious when she hears the news from Fenner and decides to gain her revenge by telling him about the hooch. Phyl and Bev then become the prime suspects, especially when their toilet overflows and belches up a wad of soggy pages from a gardening book. When interviewed, Phyl admits to brewing the hooch but denies poisoning anyone, she also points out that anyone could have got hold of rhubarb leaves from the garden. To make doubly sure of an alibi, Phyl and Bev dose themselves up on rhubarb leaves

Natalie continues her in her attempts to cultivate a friendship with Kris. She admits to her and the Julies to grassing about the hooch but claims that she did it because Fenner was threatening to fix the evidence so that Kris would become the prime suspect. Kris is surprised but still hostile, coldly informing Natalie that she can look after herself.

Rick lets Terence, Darlene’s younger brother go and then sets off to retrieve his bag from Darlene’s locker. He arrives to find that the locker is empty apart from a note telling him that he’ll get his bag when Tanya is freed. Later, Frances arrives home from work to find a furious Rick waiting for her. He tells her that he knows about her new job at Larkhall and that he wants her to get him into the prison so that he can confront Tanya. Frances refuses and threatens to call the police if he doesn’t leave her flat, Rick responds by threatening to tell the police about their personal relationship. Reluctantly, Frances agrees to Rick’s demands. To make sure that she realises how serious he is, he punches her in the face.

Frances is now convinced that the hooch wasn’t to blame because some of the women who fell ill were teetotal. Neil suspects Di of being the culprit and is sure that the hamper was a red herring. But then DI Ackroyd arrives with the results of the blood tests – all of the sick women tested positive for Oxalic acid apart from Tanya! Now that the finger of suspicion is pointing straight at Tanya again, Frances goes down to the block to speak to her. Tanya admits that she is pregnant – the reason why she didn’t drink any of the hooch. Frances also takes the opportunity to ask Tanya about her involvement with Rick. When pressed, Tanya tells Frances the whole story, including the fact that one of her friends has Rick’s bag in a safe place.

Fenner goes to see Neil and demands to know why he hasn’t received any recognition for being the one to find the hooch. He knows that the only reason Neil passed him over for the wing governor job is because he refused to sleep with him. Neil is horrified when Fenner opens a notebook in which he has recorded every conversation the two of them have had. Fenner has also been in contact with a solicitor from the Union.

After persuading Colin to help her, Frances goes to meet Rick at reception and then lets him into a private visiting room where Tanya is waiting. Rick wants to know where his bag is and threatens to do to Tanya what he did to Terence if she doesn’t tell him. As Rick produces a razor blade, he is unaware that he is being caught on video camera and that Frances and Colin are watching him on a monitor next door. When they see the blade, Frances and Colin swoop. Colin takes Rick down while Frances handcuffs him. After Colin leads Tanya away, Frances informs Rick that the police have his bag and that unless he confesses to being the one who planted cocaine on Tanya, she will make sure that her old colleagues pin every currently unsolved case in London on him.

Tanya’s lawyer works quickly and gets her released on bail pending her appeal. Darlene thanks Tanya for saving Terence’s life and the two have a rather emotional and very genuine parting moment. Surprised when they hear that Tanya is innocent, the inmates are also shocked when Frances informs them that the police investigation has run into a brick wall.

The inmates assemble for the Julies’ birthday party. Julie J receives a very welcome surprise in the form of Colin – he’s dressed as Elvis and sings ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ to her. Julie J is overjoyed and tells Julie S that she’s now convinced that Colin returns her feelings. Later, Julie S goes to thank Colin but finds him in a clinch with Frances, who is so impressed by Colin’s performance that she tells him he doesn’t have to resign after all.

Natalie gets upset during the party and Kris follows her up to her cell to find out what’s wrong. Natalie is in tears, upset because Kris is the only one on the wing who still believes that she’s a nonce. Completely disarmed, Kris begins to comfort Natalie and before long, they start to kiss.


DI Ackroyd – “Maybe you decided on a little payback, with biscuits shaped like keyholes, you’ve got a sick sense of humour Tanya.”
Tanya – “Do you really think those shitty biscuits came from my hamper?”

DI Ackroyd – “Now, about the rhubarb.”
Kris – “Rhubarb?”
DI Ackroyd – “Yeah, you do grow rhubarb don’t you?”
Kris – “Yeah, and the kitchen makes a shit crumble with it.”

Kris – “I’m warning you, the cops are on the rhubarb trail.”

Bev – “Do you mind?”
Fenner – “Don’t worry; it’s nothing I’ve not seen before.”
Phyl – “So glad you’re keeping the flame of gallantry alight Mr Fenner.”

Frances – “Ackroyd isn’t just barking up the wrong tree, he’s in the wrong bloody forest.”

Frances – “Believe me, there’s nothing I hate more than a jealous man.”
Colin – “Well that counts me out because a jealous man’s supposed to give a toss.”

Frances – “Cut the bullshit and you might save yourselves a life stretch for murder.”
Phyl – “What are you talking about?”
Frances – “You two are up to your armpits in rhubarb.”
Phyl – “No, you’re just talking rhubarb.”

Phyl – “Bev and I were making a little booze I admit it. What can I tell you Inspector? This place is drier than a Bahrain bar mitzvah.”

Julie J – “I don’t know nothing about no mystery guest.”
Julie S – “No, ‘cause if you did, it wouldn’t be a mystery would it?”

Fenner – (On Kris) “Watch it, she’ll be in your knickers faster than you can say Dusty Springfield.”

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