Series 7, Episode 6

Written by Liz Lake
Produced by Rachel Snell
Directed by Laurence Moody

Air Date: 14th June, 2005


Hollamby is in a terrible muddle. Her newly inherited mansion is now more of a burden than a pleasure, especially seeing as Dr Nicholson won’t hear of them abandoning their upcoming wedding and just living together. Seeing his dream of a life of luxury disappearing before him, Dr Nicholson issues Hollamby with an ultimatum – either they get married or he will never see her again. At work, Hollamby confides in Di who tries her best to persuade her to come clean to her husband to be – how else is she going to be sure that he isn’t just after her money?

Natalie is down the block after the discovery of the pair of scissors that were planted in her mattress lining by Di. With most of his officers calling for her transfer, Fenner finds himself in an awkward position, especially when Natalie threatens to send the knickers covered in his DNA to the police. Luckily though, Natalie has a plan and, under the guise of requesting a change of clothes, summons Janine down to the block and talks her into taking the fall. Before long, Janine is confessing to Fenner that she planted the scissors to get back at Natalie. Unsurprisingly seeing that she is the one who planted the scissors in the first place, Di doesn’t believe a word of it and objects in the strongest possible terms when Janine is taken away to swap places with Natalie.

A tough new inmate, Pat Kerrigan arrives at Larkhall transferred from another prison. Fenner can spot her nuisance potential almost immediately and it seems as though he may be right as she gives practically everyone she comes across a load of earache before finally committing the cardinal sin of stealing Natalie’s lunch. But when Natalie arrives to put Pat right, it seems that the new inmate is preoccupied with the sight of Sister Thomas. And, when the nun disappears into her cell, Pat dashes into the servery and smashes the knife cupboard with a fire extinguisher before any of the POs can react. A matter of seconds later, Pat is holding Sister Thomas at knifepoint.

Now up on G2, Pat forces Sister Thomas to strip down to her underclothes as the rest of G-Wing look on. They’re all appalled by Pat’s behaviour – how dare she take their friend hostage? But, it seems that Sister Thomas isn’t as saintly as she appears and before long, Pat is revealing the horrific abuse she and her friend Lucy were subjected to at the children’s home run by Sister Thomas and Priest, Father Kelly. After revealing the scars on her back, scars she claims that Father Kelly inflicted, Pat orders Neil to bring the priest to Larkhall otherwise she’ll slit Sister Thomas’s throat.

Fenner can’t believe that Neil is even considering ceding to Pat’s demands, but, as Neil is quick to point out, he was out at lunch when a prisoner managed to get hold of a knife on his wing and so doesn’t have a leg to stand on. While Fenner disappears to find Father Kelly, Pat starts reading aloud from Lucy’s diary and before long, the mood of the wing is split between those who believe Pat and those who can’t believe Sister Thomas would do such a thing. Father Kelly it would seem has no qualms in admitting that he had sex with Lucy, but doesn’t see this as a problem – she had been working the streets as a prostitute from the age of fourteen before being sent to his home. Still haunted from his experience with Laura Canning, Colin is unable to control his anger and disgust any longer and runs off to be sick. Meanwhile, Father Kelly finally shows Sister Thomas up for the monster she really is by revealing that she used to encourage him to sexually abuse the girls so that she could watch.

As Sister Thomas reveals her true colours, Pat drops the knife and is immediately pounced upon by the POs. Meanwhile, Colin arrives back on the wing in time to plant a headbutt on Father Kelly and has to be restrained while the women throw every available missile they can get their hands on at Sister Thomas.

With the whole of G-Wing on lock down, Pat is taken straight down to the block. Sister Thomas meanwhile is transferred to D-Wing pending being shipped out to another prison. As the last cell doors are locked, two of the inmates are discovered missing – Phyl and Bev. It doesn’t take the POs long to find them passed out behind the servery – they’d taken advantage of all of the attention being on Pat to get stuck into the vodka.

It’s the day of Hollamby and Dr Nicholson’s wedding and, as everyone else prepares for the ceremony, Neil ties up a few loose ends on G-Wing. With Colin on suspension pending a police investigation, the wing is short-staffed and he has Arun’s adjudication to take care of before he can make an appearance at the reception. He has a surprise in store when Arun turns up at the adjudication with her face hidden behind a jumper; it seems that Arun has decided to forgo Catholicism for Islam after hearing about Sister Thomas. Although Neil can find no objections, Natalie is quick to pounce on Arun’s return to the wing and quickly pounces, ripping the jumper away to reveal a full beard!

Hollamby and Dr Nicholson exchange their wedding vows and they are both thrilled to have done it. Hollamby is now a blushing bride and can’t wait to start married life with her lovely doctor. But, as she is whisked off for a turn around the dancefloor, she is blissfully unaware of the fact that Dr Nicholson is only after her money, money that he has already been spending like a lottery winner. The groom isn’t the only one with an eye on the bride’s inheritance, now that he’s done his duty and given his mother away, Bobby Darren is angling for her to put up the deposit on a flat he has his eye on. As she’s now practically penniless, Hollamby has no option but to refuse. Bobby Darren begins to shed his disappointment when he catches the bride’s bouquet, and later, he sheds all of his clothes before climbing into bed with Neil!


Pat – “Time for lunch? Been in that reception dorm all night with a bunch of screaming teenagers and no bastard came round with breakfast. That’s basic rights violation that.”
Colin – “Sorry…must have been a lapse in communication with the night shift.”
Pat – “Lapse in giving a bugger more like. I’m bloody starving!”
Vicky – “You’ll have to wait ‘til you’ve been processed I’m afraid.”
Pat – “Yeah, well, low blood sugar makes me irritable, you could ask my ex-boyfriend, but I don’t suppose you’ve got a medium on call.”

Bev – “I’m sorry, I don’t think I caught your name.”
Pat – “Pat Kerrigan…and I’m hungry.”

Neil – “Pat, I’m Governor Grayling.”
Phyl – “If that’s the cavalry the old dear’s had it.”

Sister Thomas – “God forgive you.”
Pat – “God can kiss my arse…now strip!”

Colin – “Everything and everyone in this world is just shit!”

Sister Thomas – “Governor Grayling, I hope you’ll be reviewing your security measures from here on. And I shall of course be pressing charges against Patricia Kerrigan.”
Neil – “I think you’ll have to wait until you’ve answered the charges against you.”
Sister Thomas – “God sees through fabrication Governor, he is my judge.”
Neil – “Oh I’ve no doubt you’ll go to the grave protesting your innocence, but for just a few brief seconds today a couple of dozen people saw you for what you really are…a depraved hypocrite. And as for Kerrigan, when she’s back off the block she’ll be getting a slap-up dinner and a pat on the back from me…now trust me, I’m going to make sure that she is very well looked after in here.”

Tina – “Imagine, putting her in jail and letting that evil cow go on beating little kiddies.”
Julie S – “All in the name of God.”
Darlene – “I’m just glad I’m a Rasta.”
Tina – “You was all for converting to Catholic a few days ago.”
Julie J – “Well we all were yeah? I mean, she talked a good game.”
Tina – “Yeah, well I’m just glad I’m an amythyst.”

Natalie – “Well, I did tell you all she was at it, but you didn’t listen did you?”
Julie J – “Takes one to know one Buxton, we just didn’t have your hands on experience.

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