Series 8, Episode 10
Written by Harriet Warner
Produced by Sharon Houlihan
Directed by Lance Kneeshaw
Air Date: 14th September, 2006
Hollamby is strutting around the wing like a peacock. At long last she has got her promotion to Wing Governor and she can’t wait to put her stamp on G-Wing. However, Joy is quick to remind Hollamby that she is only ‘Acting’ Wing Governor and sends her down to help the troops on reception. Among the new arrivals is Catherine Earlham, female entrepreneur and top interior design goddess. She’s on remand after being accused of embezzling money from her employee’s pension fund. The women of G-Wing are hugely excited—Catherine’s the nearest thing to a celebrity since Tanya Turner was behind bars.
Janine discovers that she is pregnant with Donny’s baby. But his reaction isn’t as encouraging as she would have hoped, as he thinks she should get an abortion. Janine is desperate to keep the baby and comes up with a convoluted story to explain how she became pregnant whilst in an all female prison. Joy’s not stupid and immediately smells a rat when Janine tells her that her boyfriend ‘Michael’ left her a jam jar containing his sperm at her mother’s grave. Joy insists on seeing Michael, leaving Donny and Janine in a dilemma. But Donny’s the resourceful type and arranges for one of his friends, Steve to pose as Michael and visit Janine.
With a prison inspection planned, Joy decides to make use of Larkhall’s very own in-house design guru. Catherine is hugely enthusiastic about the idea of giving G-Wing a lick of paint, not least because it will give her the opportunity to get some good publicity for a change. She asks Joy’s permission to do an “at home” for a celebrity magazine. Soon all hands are on deck scrubbing and repainting ready for the photographer. Phyl is quick to offer her assistance—in Catherine she sees the ideal new best friend—but she is disappointed when she discovers that Catherine is far more interested in Darlene. Bev can’t believe that Phyl has been so easily taken in and their once strong friendship now lies in tatters.
Darlene is transfixed by Catherine who seems to have taken her under her wing and has promised to put her through college. When she hears that Catherine’s husband, Frank is planning to ‘lie’ in court and tell everyone that she’s guilty of stealing money from the pension fund, Darlene threatens to tear him limb from limb. Of course, she’s being manipulated by Catherine who makes sure that she is repainting the corridor outside the visiting room when Frank arrives for his visit. Catherine is amazed by how good Frank looks, but that’s maybe because she’s been poisoning him. He now knows exactly what sort of evil woman he has married and plans to see her go down for a very long time. As Frank leaves, Catherine engineers a violent struggle and screams for help. Darlene sees red and, with Catherine egging her on, she strangles Frank to death.
Now that the main prosecution witness is dead, Catherine is free to go. All of her new friends gather round to see her off, but they’re in for a shock when Catherine tells them all what she really thinks of them. As Catherine runs off to South America with her lawyer, the women reflect on the realisation that they’ve been conned. Phyl is devastated, but cheered when Bev is quick to offer forgiveness. Darlene meanwhile is crushed. All of her hopes for the future have been dashed and all she has to look forward to is spending the rest of her life behind bars.
Steve arrives at the prison gates with a script prepared for him by Donny. He is incredibly unnerved by the pre-visit search and the reception he receives from a disgusted Hollamby. As a result, he completely falls apart when Joy asks to see him in her office. After being caught trying to do a runner, Steve reveals the truth to Joy—he was only trying to do Donny a favour. Joy is furious—she can’t believe that Donny could take advantage of a prisoner like that. Donny pleads with her to turn a blind eye, but before Joy can respond, they are both summoned to an emergency on the wing.
Darlene has stolen a bottle of white spirit from the decorating equipment as has doused herself in it. She’s holding Janine hostage and threatening to burn them both alive! Step forward Donny the hero. He pulls Janine to safety and then bravely puts out the flames with a blanket when Darlene sets herself alight. Despite the odds, Darlene is still alive and after such a show of heroism, Donny might just have proved himself to Joy.
Hollamby – “Taking money off pensioners! They should through the book at her.”
Mandy – “Probably will, she’s a bird and she’s loaded. Case closed.”
Phyl – “Finally, there will be somebody interesting to talk to in this Godforsaken hole.”
Darlene – “If she’s that interesting, why she want to chat to you?”
Janine – “I’m just not feeling very well. I keep being sick.”
Donny – “Well why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve got you something from the chemist.”
Janine – “I reckon we should’ve thought about that before.”
Joy – “You had a liaison? Who was your escorting officer?”
Janine – “Oh no Miss, it wasn’t a liaison… it was more like a jam jar.”